The Opinion of Others

This is a lesson I keep learning over and over. I am one who takes things to heart, like most people. There are times when I allow the opinions of others to influence me more than they should. Of course, this defect is something that I continue to work on in an effort to overcome it. Behaving like this is poison in my life.

Family

The worst offender of this is often family. There is an old saying, "you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family". Old sayings are old for a reason; they contain an element of truth to them. No matter how you break it down, we are all stuck with the families we have.

One thing I will mention that is important is that, for most, our family members love us. In their hearts, they want what is best for us. However, too often, they seem to think they know what that is. The truth is that our family members, statistically speaking, are just as messed up as the rest of society. While they have their wonderful attributes, they are also prisoners of their own creations. Take a look at their lives and you will see what I mean.

Many will tell you they only 'want you to be happy'. Nevertheless, when it comes to those who are closest to us, this is not exactly true. A more accurate statement is 'I only want you to be happy as long as you do as I think you should'. This is the true meaning behind what they say.

If you doubt this, try and do something that would set your family on their ears. Do something that goes directly in opposition to their core values. For example, if Orthodox Christians, bring home a Muslim; date a Republican (or Democrat); cheer for the Red Sox against the Yankees; quit your job and go to work for a charity. Whatever the belief, attack it with your choices and see what response you get. In most instances, you will find the additional caveat 'as long as you do as I think you should' is attached.

Enslavers

I chose family because that is a scenario that most people can identify with. Parents do not stop being parents and many refuse to allow their children to live their own lives. Using the guise of love, family members actually become enslavers. They pull out the whip to beat one for opposing the family belief system. Well, the truth is that if you are a lover of freedom, you will seek your own life. Dogma is dogma regardless of the source.

Family are not the only ones who behave in this manner. We see it from friends, neighbors, and co-workers. The mindset of 'keeping up with the Jonses' is nothing more than an acting on the concern of what others think. Again, there is no reason to engage in this behavior.

The truth is that captivity comes in many forms. Allowing the opinions of others to dictate our lives is a self-imposed prison. Fortunately, like any detainment we volunteer for, we have the ability to parole ourselves at any time. Freedom can be grabbed at any moment. The key is to be willing to test our old patterns of behavior.

A Life You Want

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what life you want. Personally, I am a believer that people have the freedom to choose whatever they want. The sad truth is that few people are willing to exercise this option in their lives. How many people out there are working in careers that were actually chosen by someone else? We see it all the time. Someone became a doctor (or whatever) because his/her parents expected it. At the same time, we see people dating/marrying someone who is 'from the right part of town'. This is another example of how our choices are manipulated by others.

I always suggest that someone sit down and decide exactly what he or she wants. Over the years, I realized that few people ever do this. Instead, they wake up one day and they are middle aged. In looking around, it is realized there are 2.2 kids, a career that is despised, and debt is so abundant you could wallpaper the house with the invoices. I venture to say this was not the plan for many 20 years previous. People end up wherever the current of life takes them without any idea what happened.

To be free, you need to take charge. One thing you can do is to stop considering what others will think. In the grand scheme that is your life, it is not important (the opinion of others). What is important is that you start exercising your freedom by taking control of what you want. It is your life to live as you see fit. There is nothing that says you are obligated to travel this journey in a manner that someone else dictates for you. However, failure to do this means that you will live the rest of your days accountable to those who you are trying to please. Sadly, when those people are dead and gone, you will still be left with the regret that is your life. Be mindful of this the next time you allow yourself to have your choices dictated by others.

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